May 4th, 2008

Sperm Jumper by Tessa Rae

*This* is why I love SGA!

Not because the show is clever or amazing or even all that good, because it and ALL OF ITS FANS are totally, completely, inescapably batshit insane -- we're like the Evil Blackhole of DOOOOM and there's not a goddamn thing anyone can do to get away from it! Mwuahahahahahaha! *eg*

What brought this up, you might ask. (Or not, but let's pretend... :P)

Sam the Storyteller (aka the brilliant copperbadge of Harry Potter and, more recently, Torchwood fame) finally got sick and tired off all annoying pokes and prods his massive and massively insane readership have thrown at him to give in to the lure and watch Stargate: Atlantis.

So he did.

Over about a three week period, Sam decided he was gonna bite the bullet and kick SGA's ass. He was gonna defeat that show -- he was gonna force himself to watch it and not break down crying from the pain. He was strong, he survived HBP and DH; if he could do that, he could do anything! Right? Right! So Sam screwed up his courage, sharpened his snark and rapier sarcastic wit, and practically built "whole disbelief mobiles in the quest to suspend it" and mainlined SGA like it was coke and the cops were busting down the door. And like the best crack it is... it fucked him up gooooood! ROFLMAO!

He HATES the show! Thinks it's stupid and stupidly plotted and stupidly acted and OMG the characters are just too stupid and slow and how do they possibly keep surviving*?!

*Slightly paraphrased from his brilliant and hilarious Sam's Three Things recap of all four seasons, which actually worked out to about 216 things and a rather large amount of lost sanity -- but with really pithy titles!) Go, read, snark and snicker now!

And then, and I have to quote because this is just too damned perfect:

"Wait, did I forget something? Oh yeah. I wrote fanfic. THE HELL WITH YOU ALL."

Sam wrote over 60,000 words of fanfiction for a show he doesn't even like in less than three weeks! And it's good! Not just good, but fricken AWESOME!

This?! This is why you just gotta love that fandom! Because even when the show is so stupid it burns, and the fan wankery is so annoying it makes you long for JK Rowling to write another goddamned book just so you don't poke your own eyes out, it can still cause something like this. It can inspire a guy -- a guy who strongly, categorically dislikes this show with every fibre of his being -- into writing beautiful, funny, angsty painful NOVELS that you just can't put down because they are too strangely, oddly compelling. No matter how horrible and wrong and OMGwhy they are.

Sam made a special comm entitled i_defeated_sga because, as he puts it, "he likes his irony blatant". ::snerk::

At the comm you can find:

Angles Thus And So: R. Weir/McKay (OH SO AWESOME AND INEVITABLE BAD AND WRONG), Sheppard/McKay. The city belongs to Sheppard and McKay, and the boys belong to Elizabeth -- especially Rodney. 4 chapters, 38,000 words.

Quis Custodies Ipsos Custodiet: PG, reasonably gen. Ianto neglected to introduce himself as he informed the Senior Staff Meeting that Atlantis was now under the jurisdiction of Torchwood, whatever Torchwood is. Obvs. crossover, based on my assertion that a team of reasonably intelligent fast-moving chimps could take Atlantis if they timed it right. One-off, 2,000 words.

The Difference Engine: R. Sheppard/McKay. John Sheppard died in Afghanistan, but as he's still walking around (thanks to a cybernetic brain and Rodney McKay's genius) he doesn't see a need to belabor the point. Could be considered AU, though I prefer to think of it as a series of missing scenes. 3 chapters plus epilogue, 20,000 words.

This fandom kills me, every time! ::is ded from the LOLs:: XD