March 29th, 2008

Dear Reality

Lessons in Diplomacy: #1 - Offer to Negotiate

Dear Reality,

I would like to discuss negotiating a truce with you, even if only temporarily. Really, things have gone on long enough - it's time for a change.

Why do you do these things to me? Why do you hate me so? What did I ever do to you?! Whatever it was, would it help if I say I'm sorry? Because I am. I really, really am. Please forgive me!

Please, Reality, have mercy upon me. I'm really not a bad person once you get to know me... surely you can give me a break just once in a while? My teeth are still hurting, and that's been going on 6 months now! And the computer thing? Okay, that sucks a whole hell of a lot, but I was totally dealing with that. I made my peace with the crappy Dell and researched how to rescue my XP baby. (Haven't done it yet, but I am pretty sure I've figured out the how of cloning a hard drive. Even bought the parts! I'm totally on top of that issue!) And the storytimes are almost over, so it's safe to say I've survived that torture. Sure, I still have that staff training seminar I have to give coming up, but it's not 'til the end of the month - there's plenty of time before I have to start worrying about that! And the CHECK ENGINE light on the car? I'm pretty sure that's just because of the gas cap, honest. It'll get reset when my father visits with his car-reader-doohickey-thing in a couple of weeks.

But my glasses, Reality? Why did you have to mess with my sole source of clear vision? Snapping the frame in two was just being petty, really. Definitely beneath you. Although you did get me good with the whole "we can't replace those because we've discontinued that model" line from LensCrafters. And we'll call the spot-welding from the jewelry story a tie, okay? I mean, that's just a temporary fix, and it left the frames kinda crooked so my sight is distorted. Not a total win for your side since I can still see enough to navigate, granted, but you're still hanging on strong!

So whaddya say? Can we call a truce, just for a while? I'll make a deal with you. Let me get new glasses (which you'll partially be winning on anyway, since that's another few hundred dollars down the drain) and, please oh please, let me do the cloning properly to save my old XP. After that, you can totally have at me! Make that training seminar a disaster, no problem! Give me that stomach flu that's been going around? Okay! Blow out the microwave if you want, you've been threatening that one for a while after all. Heck I'll even throw in a car issue to sweeten the pot... say a flat tire? All yours! I won't even complain if I have to walk ten miles to call for a tow truck, I promise!

But just for now, just for a couple of weeks... do you think we can take a breather? Just a short rest, give me a chance to get my feet back under me? I swear, I'll be good afterwards. Nice and calm and accepting of everything you try to trip me up with. I'll even cry a couple of times, since I know you like that. C'mon, what do you say? Can we put this game on pause for a bit?

Desperately hoping,
Chocolate chip cookies!

Lessons in Diplomacy: #2 - Stalling Tactics

Dear Reality,

Sure, it's an attempt to distract me from the real issue, I know... but you picked a good one. That new Knight Rider/Transformers crossover at the_kittchen? Excellent stalling tactic!

But really, I'm just gonna take the fact that you are trying to divert me as acknowledgement that you are aware of my concerns. Now we just both need to be grown up about this and sit down at the negotiating table so we can work this out. I have faith that it's possible.

And in the meantime, thank you for the fic! How about I bring you some nice chocolate chip cookies in return? See, we're cooperating already!

See you at the table!