Moonbeam's Predilections (moonbeamsfanfic) wrote,
Moonbeam's Predilections
moonbeamsfanfic



*** CONGRATULATIONS! ***

You are now the proud owner... er, well, you now own a SAURON. Why you would want a giant flaming eyeball of Ultimate Evil, we cannot be sure. But whatever floats your boat.

*** SPECIAL LIMITED TIME OFFER *** Act now! Within 30 days of acquiring your new SAURON unit, you are eligible for a mail-in rebate on accompanying THE MOUTH unit! Be sure to include a valid receipt and reasonable facsimile of the Proof of Purchase UPC code when ordering your SAURON second-in-command! Quantities are limited while supplies last!

INSTALLATION

Your SAURON should arrive fully assembled and powered up. Do not be alarmed by the fiery glow emanating from his crate, as this is to be expected. Ensure that you have donned all OSHA-recommended protective gear (fire-retardant gloves, Kevlar-based clothing, and spare oxygen mask – see www.firedot.com for full details on Fire Safety Equipment) before attempting to remove your SAURON unit from his packing crate. Please check that you have all his accessories (see below) and that you have been issued with the correct edition of the SAURON.

(a) Mark I SAURON (pre-War of the Last Alliance)

(b) Mark II SAURON (post-War of the Last Alliance)


TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Sauron (aka: The Black Hand, The Dark Lord, The Dark Power, Lord of Gifts, Lord of Mordor, The Lord of the Rings, The Necromancer, The Red Eye, The Ring-maker, The Sorcerer)

Type: Ainur (Division: Maiar of Aulë)

Date of Manufacture: A long, long, LONG time ago

Site of Manufacture: varies depending on form

Height: varies depending on form

Weight: varies depending on form

Length: varies depending on form

Various Forms:

Mk I SAURON – Dark Sorcerer, The Black Hand, Wolf-Sauron, etc...

Mk II SAURON – Giant all-seeing eye, lidless, wreathed in flame

*** CAUTION *** Your SAURON, as a powerful sorcerer of evil, is prone to change forms without notice. By default, you should have been issued a Mk II SAURON, as this is his most manageable form, but do not be alarmed if you open your crate and discover a fearful warrior, mighty werewolf, serpent, or bloody vampire. Your SAURON likely just grew bored during shipping and is looking to get a spot of entertainment out of scaring you. Scold him firmly and threaten to allow the FRODO unit to toss his One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom, and he ought to settle down quite nicely.

~*~*~*~*~

NOTE: Concept of SAURON unit Owner's Guide shamelessly stolen from Theresa Green. (Although once upon a time she was letting other authors write Owner's Guides for unclaimed characters, and this was to be my entry.)
Tags: fanfic, lotr
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